College Love 101

It’s been a while since I have posted anything but class is now back in session. Looking back on my older posts I’ve decided this time around to share more of my personal experiences so you can see where I am coming from. The new semester has started and I am completely hating it and dreading it every single day. But that’s pretty much every semester for me..just trying to make it through and get that piece of paper. Anywhoo..since I am getting more personal this time around guess I should talk about the man in my life.

Right before last semester I began dating someone who I already knew who was a friend of mine. Being that I had just gotten out of a long term situation I wasn’t even looking for anything but I got totally blindsided by this new situation. Now usually I would say it’s not best to hop from relationship to relationship but this was a little different. I believe that I had disconnected from my previous relationship a long time ago and being presented with a new situation I was definitely ready. Well fast forward to now and me and this guy are still together and I am very much in love.

The relationship just works and he is really all that I can ask for. I have never been so comfortable in my own skin with a guy and I think that makes a big difference. I have never dated someone who I knew on a strictly platonic level before and I now realize being friends with your mate is absolutely essential. This is your partner and if you can’t be friends with them and share your most inner feelings with them then how can the relationship stand a chance at working? If you and your partner do not have a friendship, I say get out of that relationship. Quickly at that. He is never going to be the man you want him to be because you guys don’t have a friendship beyond the relationship.

I don’t want to appear that I know everything because I am still learning as I go but I do know that that there are good men out there but unless you are somewhat together yourself then you are never going to find one. I was listening to the radio the other day and someone said “Inspect before you expect” and I think if more woman listened to that then they would be successful in their relationships. You can’t expect from a man more than you are willing to give and more than you have yourself. I have been very blessed to have this great man in my life and I really am a better person because of him. Enough with the happy talk…Class dismissed.

Now I’m not sure where this “look good on paper” idea came from but I think that it has really gotten into the heads of people and is a big reason why a lot of people are single. Now don’t get me wrong I think everyone should have standards but I don’t think people have a realistic idea of what they actually want from a potential mate. My mind automatically goes back to the reality show on VH1 What Chilli Wants featuring Chilli from TLC. If anyone has ever seen that show you would know that she has the most unrealistic expectations of a mate and is looking for that man who indeed “looks good on paper.” This is why she is indeed single. Sometimes you need to go off emotion and how a man treats you and makes you feel. In a quest to search for this person who looks good on paper you are probably missing out on a good man/woman in the meantime.

In preparing for this post I asked around and find out what people think they want in a mate and in doing so I realized we are such a superficial society. Instead of saying I want a mate who has a good job people are now getting technical saying a job that pays at least 50 thousand a year. Instead of saying I would like them to have a car it’s now he/she must have a luxury car. Like come on when did the fact that a guy drives a BMW matter. I think we truly have gotten lost in what really matters. A mate who looks good on paper is not necessarily the best fit for you. He can have all the credentials in the world and still treat you like trash. So he is “balling” outta control; but does he even know how to make you smile? We get so caught up in the hype that we forget to look at the little things that really matter and actually make a relationship last. What car he drives really won’t matter down the line but the way he treats you definitely will.

I found that a woman’s cackling friends play a role in this as well. You always have those gold digging friends who tell you girl you better keep him around you see that car he’s driving. This is most likely the friend who will steal him from right under your nose but that’s a whole other topic. Don’t let your friends try to convince you of something that’s not there. They will most likely be old and single wishing they would have done things different. So he doesn’t drive the best car, and his job isn’t the most lucrative one but he knows how to treat you and he’s hard working and sweet and all the things that a mate should have so don’t write him off. It’s about the qualities he has not what he has.

You need to find balance in a partner. Go with someone who treats you like you deserve and someone who is doing well for themselves but not necessarily the best on paper. Don’t let your friends or family try and dictate to you who you should be with. Go with your gut on this…it most likely won’t steer you wrong.

I stumbled upon this great article and it hits the nail right on the head. This article breaks down the 10 ten types of college relationships - from the on again off again couple to the oh so in love couple that makes you want to stick your finger down your throat and vomit. We all have witnessed these couples or know someone in one of these relationships. There is always that couple who is highly dysfunctional to the point you just want to scream at them “Break Up Already “! Then there are the couples who are attached at the hip and can’t stand to be apart from each other. This is college..the land of the free..the land of options. Why do people want to play house when they have no house is beyond me. Don’t forget to click the link for this great read…. #class dismissed.

(Source: pointsincase.com)

Although this is college and this is fun time for dating that doesn’t mean we need to get carried away and just accept anything. We as women have a problem settling for less than we are worth which is why we need to set our standards from the beginning and weed out the raggedy ones. Here are a few tips to help you give the boot to those who cannot make the cut:

1.       Chivalry – The rumor is that chivalry is dead but clearly this is just plain B.S. Have we really accepted that? I for one won’t allow myself to believe that and if it is going extinct than I guess I’m going to have to remain single. Courting a woman in some aspect is part of the game and if a guy can’t participate in this then he definitely must not be interested. Now I am not one sided on this topic I think in some aspect a woman should court a man as well. Ladies you can pay for the bill once in a while this is 2010 let’s be serious. We should make men feel special as well. This should be a two way street. You get out of a relationship what you put in…and if you aren’t willing to show chivalry more than likely you are going to end up alone.

2.       Be Who You Are - I have a lot of female friends and it amazes me how once they get in a relationship you barely recognize them anymore. They get so wrapped up in the relationship that they lose sight of who they are. 9 times out of 10 when this happens the relationship doesn’t work…then they are stuck trying to get their life on track because you have been out the loop. I can’t stress enough to be exactly who you are. There is an ass for every seat and there will be someone who will love you for you. When you find that REAL connection with that person trust me it will be worth it. Don’t compromise too early in the relationship because you will pay for it down the line. Stop trying so hard to impress the other person that you turn into a different person.

3.       Can Lead A Horse to Water but Can’t Make Him Drink – I’ve come across this situation way too much. Men and women are constantly trying to change each either and for what reason?? There are way too many people in this world for us to be doing this. If you meet a woman at the club and she likes to party a lot obviously that’s part of her character so just get rid of her instead of trying to force her to stay home. She’s a groupie and you should run for the hills. I find that women try and change men more often than men try and change woman. Woman will stick around forever waiting for a guy to become her knight in shining armor when it’s never going to happen. If he isn’t worth a damn thing in the beginning more than likely he isn’t going to be worth a damn thing EVER. Why even waste your time? Men are the most stubborn creatures and they are going to change if they truly want to. If he doesn’t change his ways then you are not the one for him…it’s that simple.

Class Dismissed.